Greeting from the great thumbed one

Hello, my name is Edward and sometimes I lick my own ass... What? Oh, wrong place. Nevermind. Sorry. Anyway, I'm here to share my exciting and introspective outlook on the world with you. I enjoy sleeping, and eating, and sleeping more, and eating more, and maiming insects but not eating them, sniffing things, and fighting with the bathroom rug. Sometimes when I'm bored I like to fuck with the other furry gray thing that lives downstairs. It hops and growls a lot. I'm not really sure what it is, but it might be food. My other hobbies include climbing on the boy one when it's trying to use the computer, scratching the orange chair when the girl one isn't looking, running up and down the stairs, and being thrown. Sometimes I escape out the back door and hide by the deck until someone comes and saves me. That's all for now. I only got 15 hours of sleep so far today, so I'd better go rest. And besides, my thumbs are tired from all this typing. Is it time for dinner yet? No? How about now?