the skinny (I hear that means the news)

so heres the deal. first off your not going to get the full deal. some things are going so damn well in my life I refuse to jinx them by mentioning them here. lets just say for the first time, in a long time, I feel like a good honest man. Im having fun with a cool friend and I couldnt be more happy to be alive than I am right now, tonight, as I sit and ponder of all the multitude of blessings bestowed upon me and my friends, in such a short amount of time. Its funny how much life can change in just a few months. Again, I do not know what the future hold for me, whether or not these days will bring forth fruit worthy of savoring is yet to be seen, but for once in my life, for just once, Im choosing to be happy for the moment, happy for today, for a day filled with innocent laughter and smiling, silly dogs, coloring books, and heart felt hugs, from a child, and her mother, nothing could possibly be more fulfilling and rewarding in the range of experiences that I have had the great benefit of being privy to. I would say its the best day of my life but thats not accurate, it fills more like the first day of my life, or rather, just a really good fucking day. Ya know? Not making more out of it than need be, just simply pointing out, I felt the love of the Creator today smiling upon my soul, showing me the true nature of selfless love, reminding me of my role in contributing to that never ending circle of light and love, and I remembered how fun it is to be alive, and how important I am to final outcome of so many stories and dreams yet to be written, and realized. Ive felt this way before, so Ill say that this is one of those days, the best days of my life, the days that dont seem like days, or nights, but just beautiful moments be linked together by love, and endless care, precision, and consideration by the Creator, so that each moment builds upon the last to lead to a crescendo of love, happiness, and as a result, epiphany. It was beautiful, I was humbled, and I take these moments for what they are worth, wrap them and hold them inside of my heart until the end of the world and beyond, Ill hold them deep inside that icy muscle of mine, as a beacon for hope, that one day, just one day, Ill stop there before the hope leads to a sin, before good intentions turn to desire, for now I just thank God for today.

Other than that I had not really been feeling well lately. Hehe, so much for those feelings, hopefully they stay dead, but "the demon" is a tricky character, one can never know for sure that hes gone for good. Lets just say I feel I have even more tools to defeat his lunacy than I did 24 hours ago. And for that I am thankful! Because for a second there I wasnt sure how I was going to beat this thing before school started and it affected my performance. Its only so fitting that it was the laughter of a child that reminded me how much I am loved by the Universe. How could I have ever doubted? I guess Im not out of the waters, I have a lot to go over in this upcoming week. I think me and the demon need to have a face to face at some point, I havent done that for almost 2 years now, I got some new things to tell him, we need to square some things away for good, because I dont need this aspect of self any longer in order to be whole. In fact, I feel he is crowding my heart, cramping my style, he just doesnt really fit in with any aspect of the man I have become. Im not quite sure why hes even still around, perhaps as long as theres any shadow in my heart than he has fodder to live on, but it must be only a matter of time before even my black heart becomes completely golden. I feel it must be approaching that state, not that Im perfect, or holy (well we are but anyways...), its just that I have very little reason to doubt, or to be jealous, when I have so much going for myself in so many arenas of my life, at this point I could even go as far as to say even my social life is where I want it to be, and that hasnt been true for a loooong time, perhaps more prayer, more meditation, more contemplation, more study is in need, I plan on doing all of these things (and seeing a doctor) before I start school next week. Ill let you know how this exorcism goes but I figure it like this, Jesus said his disciples would have the power to cast out demons, now I may not be a disciple, but Im for sure a believer, surely if I cant cure others of theirs, I should be able to exorcise my own! I think for quite some time now Ive been cornering this beast into one location, and in a way its given strength to the fucker, because now he has one very specific target, my manhood. But, if I can take away all that fodder that he uses by finally accepting self, in all aspects, even my worth to the opposite sex, than what the fuck leg is he going to stand on? haha, Ive got you know demon bitch! Wish me luck guys, the time is now, learn the lessons, break out the cage, and fly. Thats my new mantra.

Other than that heres some other news. I had so much fun in the Bay Area! Thank you all so much for hanging out with me and showing me around time. The Bay is nothing for me without you guys. Well the water is always awesome but you know what I mean. It just wouldnt be the marina without someone waking me up out of one of my spiritual visions to ask something weird like "did you just fart man?" Thats what its all about. The pizza place was superb. Ron joined me on that one. Some old folks offered us pizza because they ordered to much, Ron and I ate ours fast and bailed, the pizzas good, but its not that good....hehe.....Telegraph was Telegraph, and it seemed to pick up more random crack head bums since the last time I was in town, and I know this is strange, but it made me feel much more at home. Hellboy II was one of the best live action movies Ive seen in years, second to Dark Knight, but I preferred it over Iron Man, and the Hulk, and for me thats saying a lot. Although perhaps the beer goggles tainted my opinion to be more positive, but whatever Selma Blair is hot and that movie was funny, if I only feel that way because I was drunk, meh, Im not bothered by that. Nor do I believe that to be true. Ill have to go see it a second time and sober so that I can have a basis of comparison. Speaking of movies Mercedes and I went to go see Tropic Thunder last night. It was so fucking funny. Man, I laughed so hard, I was clapping all throughout, even Mercedes was looking at me like "damn...its not that funny" but its cool though because after those moments something else would happen that only she would find funny, I guess it just had something for everyone. I was laughing very hard at all the Heroin jokes. But Ill leave that one detail out there because I can not ruin this movie. I just must say Robert Downey Jr. is a fucking genius, both comedic, and dramatic, hes the best actor of our generation (Hanks isnt are generation man, hes like old because he was in this show where he cross dressed with his room mate to save money on the rent......). Go see this movie! That is all.

Oh ya Adam was awesome, he now knows that I am not a robot. Edward was cool and she even joined me on the bed for a while, which surprised me, and filled me with great pride at her acceptance. She "knows" me. Fat apples was awesome Lorigga! I will have to go back there for sure. I wish we could have had more time to hang out, you have to hit me up when your in L.A. dude, Im dying to get a reading from your mom, and I have a new person in line, Ive never ever asked this, but could she give my friend a reading? He seems extremely interested and I cant help but feel that God put him in my life to help him find someone like your mom because he gets lots of issues but doesnt understand what he should different. Which to me seems to mean hes fucking super stuck in his sign, perhaps hearing some of his traits out loud could help him control or curb the more "negative" aspects of his personality. I know that the readings have certainly help me to not fall prey to old patterns of behavior. Ahh but I digress.

I can not wait to come back up and see you all again. You all are my family, my heart, my inspiration, and my salvation. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your paths. I am honored, humbled, and thankful for the opportunity to be a different friend for each of you. Until the next time I get back to the Bay, or until our paths next cross, may the light and love of the Creator always be with you all.
-Black Crow