We can pretend it’s slang for being crazy or something. But we know the truth. It means you went in a cup of shit. A 3-foot cup of shit. After being shrunk by a ray-gun. A half full cup of shit. (Or half empty.) That's in the corner of Steve's room. So it can be looked at. Or eaten. Your choice. You can do whatever you want with it.
If I should wake before I die,
with crows and pigeons standing by
to bear me up into the sky,
pray the moon will watch and wait.
Boulders that before me rise
insurmountable in size,
landscape I should recognize,
only she will contemplate.
Across the path coyote lies,
years dancing over twilit eyes,
smiling at the slow demise
of my fragile shell, at fate.
The marmots are always watching...
5 comments:
hey hey, I like it! I cant help but feel a little of my own wacky influence in this poem. the backwards talk (Yoda is my muse!) Boulders that before me rise, Across the path coyote lies, I use that technique all the time to keep the rhyme, and very often I like the way it rolls off of the tongue, of course Shakespeare is my chief influence (and Yoda!) with that. And the meter with three lines of 8 beats and the last line of 7, I do that too, though I would usually do three lines of 7 beats with the last line being 8 or 10. I like the difference of having the last line shortened rather than lengthened. It gives it a short but sweet feeling when you reach the end of each stanza. Its hard for me to describe it, I guess thats where lack of upper division classes really shows! I also like the imagery a lot! I wrote a poem about crows yesterday also, so I guess were poem psychics or something. I had it posted but I thought it was too wishy washy to leave it up and I deleted it. Im glad I did delete your poem is a much nicer addition to the cup. Besides now I dont feel like such a weirdo for posting my own death inspired poem. I really love the last line, its by far my favorite. Short, sweet, and very cryptic and cynical, yet beautiful, not sad (to me at least). Exactly the type of stuff I go for! Wow, were you trying to give a nod in my direction when writing this or have you just been reading too much of my stuff? haha just kidding. Im so vain some times. Nice work Sensei.
What the crap? The blog just ate my comment. Rude...Dammit I don't remember what I wrote..
Um... glad you enjoyed my first attempt at rhyming poetry in um.. ever (or ten or more years at least). The crow was meant as a nod to you because as much as I like crows, there are plenty of other little critters that I associate more with myself. The whole backwards phrasing thing was primarily out of necessity to keep the rhyme working (if I was more used to this style I might not need it), but I often do similar things in prose just because it sounds better. Making rhymes is really not my thing because I have a tough time filtering out all of the obvious/cliche that would rhyme with what I already have.
My goal for sometime in the near future is to write a sestina (six non-rhyming ending words that mix around between stanzas) because I've always though they're cool, but I have to figure out a topic.
This was sort of written from the perspective of a character or two from this big long thing I'm working on. That may or may not be any different from my own perspective(s) (I'm pretty sure you have to be at least a little schizophrenic to write fiction), but that's where it was coming from. Well, that, and you're not the only one that Halfdome was messing with.
Beautiful, thats all it is, for a first attempt its not bad at all. I agree with what you say about not needing backwards talk when your used to writing in rhyme, I just find it more fun from time to time when Im really trying to drive home a message. hehe. Still, its so hard not to sound contrived and trite when rhyming, we all fall prey to using a bad choice, even the greats have a few cliche rhymes, but the thing is the substance, whats behind the poem, the mood of the writer during the action, thats what makes it magic, thats what makes it relevant, and this poem has it. again, nice work.
ps - for some reason the text came out all funny in this and when I went in to fix it, there's just a bunch of crazy code. not sure why and I'm kind of annoyed it's all huge. sorry, guess I'm the amoeba attacking the blog now.
haha, good somebody needs to take my place for a while.
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