Empty skies without a cloud
Leaves must fall when they turn brown
Crying out without a sound
I am still right here
In my lifetime I have seen
The demise of all my dreams
Only to hear angels sing
There’s nothing to fear
My feathers are never clean
Lost my love for everything
In the heart of the city
Couldn’t shed a tear
Stars go up than they come down
Seasons change as Earth spins round
What is lost can still be found
Look into the mirror
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7 comments:
I like it a lot better in this format. The thoughts seem much more organized so the whole thing flows well. It's been fun seeing the progression of this poem through the various revisions.
ya, I thought Id share for a change, many of my poems went under the knife in similar fashions before I posted them, now you see what I go through! hehe, I still want to revise it again but for now it may stand, I have short stories to write.
I like it. Somber.
You have dirty feathers my friend, might want to clean that off before the bums run after you with cleaning solution and a hand towel asking to clean it off for a dollar. You don't know where they've been...nor that hand towel!
haha, those bums would try to eat me first!
and Cyrusse I forgot to mention, thanks for saying that its more cohesive, I was trying to make it so. I also had other intentions Ill go over in person, lets just say I think Im ready to start evolving my poetry to the place that its capable of achieving.
for some reason the last title (many ups and many downs) has been stuck in my head and been popping into my thoughts randomly lately. i like the imagery of empty skies though. any thoughts on integrating the two? i.e. the theme from the former and the content from the latter? empty skies by itself seems really lonely. if you put something full sounding (opposite of empty) with it, it could better convey the struggle/polarity of living i feel. i dunno just a random thought.
Ive thought that too! but I dunno Moose. Ive been thinking that this poem and the last poem arent the same. they share a similar thread, and perhaps they could be fused into one, believe me I tried, because this was supposed to be a revision of the many ups and downs, yet it didnt even carry the line or title! When it was written I wanted to incorporate it, but like you said, the image of empty skies was so lonely, many ups didnt fit any more, it was just a many downs poem. hehe. Thats where the line became, stars go up, than they come down, because its no longer about my rises and falls, as it is about the changing of seasons, or the changing of life. The whole message seems to have morphed into something much sadder than I started with, but it was accurate to how I was feeling in that moment, and more cohesive than the last poems, so I just stuck with this. I think what I need to do is revise the many ups poems, without keeping this poem in mind at all. Not sure though.
oh and by the way empty skies, are very very lonely! that was what I was trying to achieve, letting you all know how I feel, but without just out and saying it. in case you havent noticed, I have been alone the last 7 or so years that you have known me. You may not like it, but my life IS empty skies my friend. Just be glad that yours isnt.
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