I wrote this piece a while ago. Im thinking it was December. On Sunday out of the blue I had a very serious contemplation about control, and the nature of control. How when some of us think that we have the least control, we actually contain full control. Randomly I was shuffling through old docs that I hadnt put in proper folders and I came across this piece. I remember having wrote it after class one night when I was in a particularly sick mood. Glad not to be in that head space, but I still have to agree with the sentiment of the piece. Its not really a poem, more like an idea.
Control
The sickest thing is that I miss that control
When I was snorting a line of cocaine or smoking a run of heroin off of foil
I had that control
I felt that exhilarating rush that I had done it again
I had cheated death and life
I was feeling that sweet rush of my own death and no one could do anything about it
Society, my peers, my family, even God could not stop me
I knew that I was cutting myself so desperately short and I loved it because no one could stop me
Not even myself
Control
Sure it was the demon controlling me than
The demon was moving my hands and lips to eek out a façade of humanness so that I could satiate its ravenous desires
The cold empty state in my heart, that void, the lack of love and light allowed the demon to take over my mind
But I was allowing it do so
I was actively taking a back seat to the darkness
I was choosing to let chaos destroy everything that I had accumulated over all my adult life
It was the best part of the high
The control
5 comments:
Actually, this is pretty sick.
I very much like the "Control" theme. Feeling in control but being controlled. I guess in the end to feel like you can CONTROL only insinuates you're being CONTROLLED. I feel that applies to quite a bit in life...
good shit man! the only thing i might suggest would be to tone down the explicitness of the demon being in control, maybe by just taking out the line:
"Sure it was the demon controlling me than"
other than i like the jest at having choice in chaos:
"I was choosing to let chaos destroy everything that I had accumulated"
this is one of my favs, very spoken word. the lines flow so well
"...to the darkness
I was choosing..."
"...its ravenous desires
The cold empty state in my heart..."
reading double meanings between lines! i dig it. =)
interesting. I think I agree. I need some time to properly edit it without changing too much of the spoken word flow. hehe. nice picking up on that it was pretty much just one flow, as usual.
as a side note, I was serious when I said that this was not a poem, so the idea of editing it is purely fun and not anticipated. the demon theme, wasnt a theme, wasnt an image, this time I was just writing facts down as I remembered them so the fact that Moose sees at as being too telling or too tire is amusing to me, because this isnt a poem its just a thought that popped in my mind. however, when I looked at it from Moose's perspective I saw that it could be seen as prose and from that angle alone I decided that if I wanted to make it a poem I would have to make the Demon theme more subtle and more rewarding for the reader to uncover. Wish me luck, edited version of my thought/poem should be posted by the end of weekend.
cool beans! looking forward to it!
Post a Comment