I’m still the man lying in the street
Heart cold and hard like this pavement
That same heart only knows one beat
It’s the rhythm of the night enslavement
My worn out hoodie my only source of heat
At this hour cash is the only form of payment
As I sit here your words begin poisoning me
This section of town was not my first placement
Talking bout how I am no longer Steve
Bitch, Are you kidding? Your deranged kid
Got my chest all tight so I can barely breathe
If your mind is that soft better train it
Im struggling just to rise from underneath
Anyone who hates off me is entertainment
I sit here in the dark with my knife in its sheath
Considering where I should aim it.
This cold ass life makes it hard to believe
Even with clothes I am naked
His plan so elaborate I can barely conceive
Lying in this puddle I am shaking
Feels like these clouds will never leave
Sun never raises only races
I still remember what you said to me
My life so bleak I never could face it
I thought we wanted to be free
I know the safest way to get wasted
Thought you knew Id make you bleed
Thought you always wanted to taste it
Just a tiny prick and than you’ll see
After a few moments you start to feel sane again
Fix will be the only thing that you need
Then the night won’t be a stranger
So many sins my eyes have seen
And after all its always the same shit
I know this person is not me
To fly was my one true intent
I don’t know how long it has been
My love’s already completely spent
Not even my dreams give me peace
I can never rest until I begin to repent
2 comments:
What is it you don't like about the ending? Just curious, if there's something you think needs work then it would probably be helpful if we had an idea...
I like it, don't think it's too dark at all. The beauty of it stems from how well it reflects your mindset at such a challenging part of your life.
The frustration, the desperation, bleeds through the lines.
And yet, there's still a glimmer of hope. Perhaps my impressions are clouded by my knowledge that the whole time there was hope; thus, I'm able to recognize it.
Well as far as the message goes the ending is just fine. Its just the flow of the poem, I know I rushed the last few lines, they dont fit with the rest of me. I hope to find a way to convey the same meaning but changing the wording so that syntax matches the flow of the rest of the poem. They rhyme scheme is off as well. Not that I normally bind myself to any rhyme scheme but this poem has a definite progression and from the line "to fly was my one true intent" it just doesnt fit with the rest. Ill continue to work on it.
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