The hardest poem I ever wrote Everything that I thought was real.

This poem was the hardest poem I ever wrote. Its not necessarily "deep" or touching but it is real as real can be. Every line is the truth for me. In poems I try to convey truth through metaphor or playful humor, but for me there is no humor in this poem, its just the truth. Thats why it was so hard for me to write. There was no wall to hide behind, I wrote it with the fake scenario that the person I was writing it for might read it one day (no longer possible as far as Im concerned) and as a result there is no playful quips or silly imagery to hide behind. Its just something that I needed to get off of my chest to move on from 2006. After I wrote this poem I felt a lot better about the situation. For now Im the resident poet (until Syd starts posting hers, I know you got em somewhere girl.......) so I guess I owe it to the cup to post this one also. Im posting it here because its one of the only "love" poems I ever wrote, so enjoy it while you can, it may just be the last..........

One day I am going to tell you
Exactly how you make me feel
I don’t think that you can comprehend
All the damage that you can deal
You’ve destroyed my entire world
Everything that I thought was real
All the values that I cherished
Wasn’t hard for you to kill
With your actions and your words
Integrity and honor you tried to steal
I will have my retribution
Your hate will never be fulfilled

Robbed my life of light and love
Nearly lost all of my will
Almost jumped off of a mountain
Or in front of moving steel
Filled my veins with various poisons
Seeking refuge from your ill
Never did find any solace
On those dark cold nights of chill
Although for a few precious moments
I escaped the torment that I feel
Body turning numb as the world fades away
Everything that I thought was real
In the end the pain would resurface
Like spokes turning in a wheel
This world is just a circle
We can not outrun His will

I couldn’t handle the shame of knowing
All your lies were never real
Everything you said was empty
The soft words spoken on the hill
You were the one that said I love you
Sweet venomous lips made my heart still
That same heart wanted desperately to believe
Everything that I thought was real
Yet I could sense your mind was sick
Eyes dark and cold as nights of chill
Still I chose to ignore the truth
My lust you were only too happy to fill
Until you drained me of all of my reason
That’s when you moved in for your kill
You had had enough fun fucking with me
You were afraid you might actually feel
That wasn’t an option for you any more
Not after the times you’d been beaten for thrill
I am so sorry that you endured that pain
One of the reasons that I love you still
But you didn’t need to ruin my life
You couldn’t handle that I will always be real

When everything is said and done
The lies you’ve spread will fade and die
God knows exactly what happened
There is no need for you to deny
Others can believe fabrication
They can claim to not see blue in the sky
The truth is the truth and this poem is the proof
My love for you was never a lie
I am sorry for anything hurtful I said
And the few times I made you cry
You leaned on me for strength than
I kissed your cheeks until they were dry
Believe me I tried over a thousand times
Fear clipped your wings so we could never fly